So Many Things

 So Many Things

This morning I cried for Jeff Galloway, the wonderful man that invented the run-walk-run method of running and changed my life. It’s kind of strange that I would cry for him, not Harper, not Mika, not the pinched nerve in my leg that hurts so much I can barely walk.

Because of Jeff I became an athlete and ran 15 marathons in my 50’s and 60’s. I ran New York, Chicago, and Boston. I ran Boston in the insane nor’easter of 2018, and ran smiling for most of the way, all because of Jeff.

But this has been a terrible week. On last Monday my leg started hurting and Harper had a very bad day. She was pacing and panting and even after the Gabapetin gave her some relief, we knew it was time. On Tuesday we took her to the vet and put her to sleep. My leg was getting worse and worse.

Wednesday morning we got a text from Sarah. They had to put Mika down Tuesday night as well. She started having convulsions and the vet said it was probably a brain tumor. It was very sudden and unexpected which makes it so hard.

Wednesday morning I was able to get in to see the nurse practitioner at my docs. She gave me a prescription for prednisone and sent me for X-rays. I’ve got degenerative disks in my spine that are causing nerve pain in my leg. 

To make things even more crazy we left for California to see Emi Thursday morning. We ordered a wheelchair for the airport and I made it here in one piece but my mobility is very limited. I’m not getting much relief from the drugs. I can walk for maybe 30 seconds before the pain becomes almost unbearable. 

Yesterday (Friday) I spent much of the day texting with my doctor’s practice about my status and trying to see if there is anything else I can try. I finally got a video appointment with my doctor late in the afternoon. She is a great doc, but so popular and busy! I’ve got an extension on the prednisone and some Gabapetin too.

I took some Gabapetin at midnight and more about 4 am but so far it doesn’t seem to touch the pain which is worse in the morning when I first get up. At least it’s not making me groggy which was my fear. I may take more at lunch and see if it makes any difference.

So here we are. I’m actually very happy to be in California. It’s beautiful here and Emi is so much fun. She’s talking up a storm and she was so glad to see us! We can play together as long as I don’t have to walk.

I’ll make it through this, losing Harper and Mika, mourning Jeff. My leg will eventually get better. The doc said it could take as long as six weeks though. Sheesh. I’ve got an appointment with my magical PT person on Thursday when we get back to Minnesota. She’ll either be able to help me or she’ll know this isn’t in her wheelhouse. She’s amazing so I’ve got my fingers crossed!

Rest in peace Jeff, Harper and Mika. I love the idea of the rainbow bridge even though like John Lennon, I don’t believe in heaven. Jews say “May their memory be a blessing“ and that’s what I believe. You remember your loved ones when they are gone and you tell their stories so that others can remember them as well. All these beings changed my life in big ways and small and I’m so so grateful. 

There’s no way to know what the future may hold. Disability advocates say that most of us are just temporarily able. It’s easy to think that doesn’t apply to you, or that reality is far off in the future but of course you never know. And here I sit on a couch in California making the best of things, because what else can I do? I’ll just take things one step at a time, and look for the things that make me happy wherever they might be.